#so gay sex is definitely against their rules

[liopleurodean]

I love living in student housing. Someone nearby just listened to an audio that said "gay sex" multiple times in a row

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

(TW: Religion)

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

When we think about reconciling Christianity and our identity, then we are often automatically jumping to „re-interpreting Bible verses that are used to justify homophobia/transphobia“ or to „looking for Bible verses that can be interpreted in a lgbt-supportive way“. 

Both of that is valid and definitely has its place. And if you are someone who (or trying to discuss with someone who) believes everything in the Bible is true and to be taken literal, then looking for the most accurate interpretation of each passage is also pretty much the only thing you can do.

In that case, take comfort in knowing that there is often historical, cultural etc. context missing from conservative interpretations and learning about that context lets us see seemingly hateful verses in a much more inclusive light! 

That Bible verse that seems to be against gay sex may very well be against rape, that Bible verse that seems to be against trans people dressing the way they want to may very well be condemning old rituals that have nothing to do with modern life. I don’t think looking for these alternative (or maybe *better*) explanations is heathenish at all. God wants you to think critically, that’s why he gave you the ability to. If he gave you a book to live your life according to, then it stands to reason that he’d want you to find the most accurate meaning of his words, and that means looking past the most superficial interpretation.

But if you are (or the person you’re talking to is) open to the idea that maybe the Bible isn’t meant to be taken literal in its entirety - then it can feel tedious to dissect singular verses. 

In that case, you probably don’t feel the need to dissect other parts either and you just disregard them. For example you look at certain verses containing rules on hygiene or health, and you disregard them because you figure those were written in, and for, wildly different times and they just do not apply to modern life anymore, and you believe that one can be a good Christian while also disregarding those specific verses. 

If that’s you, then an approach that might fit you better would be to look at the bigger picture instead. Treat the Bible like you would any self-help book - look at the overall messages but don’t assume that every single line is applicable to your life or even holds meaning. 

This may seem counterintuitive or even like a “bad” thing to do, especially if you grew up in a taking-the-Bible-literal household, so I’ll give you some potential questions that may help you get into the mindset: 

Which messages are repeated often throughout the Bible? Which messages are repeated in most big religions you know? Which messages would come to your mind first if you were to teach a child about God? Which values or attributes describe God best? 

For me, and for many people, the biggest ones would be “God loves you unconditionally” and “God wants you to love others”. Another important one might be “God created you, and everyone else, because he wanted you to exist”. 

When you identified some big picture core messages, and are open to the idea that the Bible may not be meant to be taken literal in its entirety (for example because it was inspired by the Holy Spirit but written by humans and humans can make mistakes or add their own personal agenda, or also simply because it’s so old and over time some of its original teachings got mistranslated or lost), then you may be able to look at these seemingly hateful verses with new eyes - not seeking to find a more accurate explanation, but rather being able to compare them to those core messages and being able to say “this fits in with the core message” or “this doesn’t fit in with the core message”. 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Dad 

[fallingrealms16]

CAITVI FIC REC LIST PART 1 (???) <3333

Now tell me why I’ve never actually read wlw fics before???? Because now I’m insanely obsessing over Caitvi (arcane) (also their name should be Violyn FIGHT ME)

SO WITHOUT FURTHER A DUE: here is my first compiled list of VIOLYN fics that I have read so far! (Word count ordered: ascending) There will absolutely definitely 1000% be another one of these so if you like it pls pretty pls note it, comment, re tumble it!

Reminder‼️ pretty please read all the tags on each fic before reading as I am not responsible for any emotional trauma you may experience ^3^ (more notes at the bottom ty, ily <3)

Where All the Secrets are Spilled by ConnieLingus, L_Kayze @connielingus423

10K Words // Chapters: 1/1 // 1.8K Hits // COMPLETED

//EXPLICIT//

The reunited Hellfire squad drinks together in the Kiramman Family Library before Noxus invades Piltover. Caitlyn and Vi reckon with their mistakes. It gets angry, it gets raw, and then it gets away from them.

An imagining of what happens post Act 2 and pre Act 3

Bound and Determined by Pandoras_Hope

27K Words // Chapters: 10/10 // 6.9K Hits // COMPLETED

//EXPLICIT//

When Vi finally gets released from Stillwater prison, she is determined to get back to her old life as quickly as possible. But a chance encounter with her new next-door neighbor pulls her into an unexpected tangle of sex, violence, and a plot to take control of the undercity.

Vicious Dogs Fight Dirty by paleserendipity

33K Words // Chapters: 3/3 // 2.7K Hits // COMPLETED

//EXPLICIT//

If anything, she should be at home, resting the countless cuts and bruises lining her skin. Though, really, if she had a choice in it, she’d probably still choose to come here. Easier to fight than curl up in a makeshift bed as nightmares of your situation-ship girlfriend plague you, right?

Burn by ThisOrThatFan @thisorthatfan-ao3

44K Words // Chapters: 6/6 // 9K Hits // COMPLETED

//EXPLICIT//

A modern AU of Piltover's Finest - a story of two firefighters battling flames not only on the job, but also against the internal fire burning within their hearts.

Late Fine by ConnieLingus

52K Words // Chapters: 7/7 // 13K Hits // COMPLETED

//EXPLICIT//

Vi’s one night stand is working the Returns counter at the Zaunite Branch of the Connected Cities County Public Library and Vi has to return her sister’s overdue items. What could go wrong?

Make Out Lessons With A Boxer by poetess

72K Words // Chapters: 8/8 // Hits: 98K ?? // COMPLETED

//EXPLICIT//

The friends with benefits college AU where oblivious mutually pining idiots pine mutually, jinx is an exhausted zoomer, and bisexuals rule the world.

I wanna point out that I use Ao3. At one point this year the normal Ao3 server was down and I wasn’t able to load any fics I was reading but I found that Ao3 has a secondary website completely the same: archiveofourown.gay

So naturally being the queer diva I am, I completely switched to .gay because it’s iconic <3

Also I am an adult so these fics usually are explicit or teen and up just because I like the explicit themes.

May vary from smexual content or just mature themes (violence ect…)

These fics are just what caught my eye first and just so happen to all be labelled explicit!

BUTTTTT if you want any fic recs such as “teen and up” or “all audiences” let me know as I’m open to anything!

My question box is also open so if you’re looking for fics with certain tags I’m happy to search and recommend! The fandoms I follow are:

Supernatural (destiel ship mainly)

DC universe (superbat mainly!)

Marvel (fluff for Spider-Man and tony stark - FATHER/SON, Bucky x Reader, stucky, x-men universe)

Teen Wolf!!! (Started off my account as this - specifically sterek but I do read Stydia sometimes too)

Arcane (Violyn mostly known as Caitvi😪)

I take recommendations too so if you find something you think I should read I’m all eyes and ears HAHA

I read all the fics I recommend too to know exactly what I am recommending!!! If you have made it this far reading Thankyou and I appreciate you ⭐️

[besttropeveershowdown]

The WORST Trope Ever Showdown

Hello again! After the success of the Best Trope Ever Showdown, from which Found Family emerged victorious (by, like... a lot), it is now time to find its corollary. Its parallel. Its foil, if you will.

What is the worst trope of all time?

This tournament, just like BTES, will be run on a bracket format. Each week, tropes will be matched up against each other, and the winner of each matchup will go on to the next round.

Here is the submission form. You can submit as many tropes as you want. Submissions will be open until Tuesday of next week (that's Tuesday the 5th, for those of us who do better with dates), though I may decide to leave them open longer depending on how many I get in the first week. As usual, I encourage adding a link to a TVTropes page, but if your trope doesn't have one or you don't feel the page accurately represents it, you can also leave a brief description of it! (And if you do both, it makes things a lot easier for me during the organization stage)

THE RULES:

Yet again, medium-specific tropes will not be accepted (i.e, tropes that are specific to video games, or fanfiction, or musicals, or any other medium). This is because I want all tropes to be on equal footing as they enter the tournament, and there are some mediums that certain people simply never consume (not everyone plays video games, not everyone listens to musicals, not everyone watches professional wrestling) and thus don't know anything about the tropes of.

Genre-specific tropes, however, are okay as long as they can apply to any or most media.

I'm going to change the rules around problematic and offensive tropes for this tournament, because a lot of Worst Tropes Ever are probably problematic or offensive in some way. However, I also don't want this to become a game of Which Real-Life Stereotype Is the Worst. So, the rule for this tournament is, tropes that are problematic or offensive to a certain group are allowed in if and only if they are about how the group is treated specifically in media. So, All Gays are Pedophiles is not a valid submission because that is a real-life harmful stereotype that many people believe, but Bury Your Gays is because that is specifically about how queer characters are treated in fiction.

Tropes about sex are allowed if they are about sex in general and the role it plays in a story, but NOT if they are about specific parts of the sex act.

TVTropes is very vague with its definition of a trope, and for good reason: it's a very hard word to define. However, for this tournament, genres are not considered tropes, and neither are settings. Anything else you can find on TVTropes listed as a trope is fair game, EXCEPT:

Writing pitfalls are also not tropes. Although TVTropes has entries such as "Plot Hole", "Mary Sue", or "Pacing Problems", those are mistakes, not intentional tropes, and should not be submitted.

Propaganda is encouraged and makes the tournament a lot more interesting! I will also accept propaganda in the ask box over the course of the tournament, but if you want to send some in with your submission, put it on the form!

Have fun and be civil!

@tournament-announcer @tournamentdirectory

[mackjlee9]

Saw your NSFW alphabet post!

Uhh Denji(Csm), Reigen(ms100), and saitama(Opm) with the letters I, V, K, Y? If that’s not too much?

Also, can I be 🦑anon?

N$FW Alphabet Mini Event

So many 😍

(5/10)

Denji x Top!Male!Reader

Arataka Reigen x Top!Male!Reader

Saitama x Top!Male!Reader

I= Intimacy (how are they during the moment?)

Denji| not romantic at all. He'll just be whining like a baby that he wanted to have sex with a girl, but he calms down after you threaten him with leaving him like that on his own.

Denji is new to sex, straight or gay sex, he just doesn't know much, so he lets you do everything while he complains or holds in his moans.

After the first few times, he starts to get more into it and craves your touch, he loves it when you hold him close and he gets to press his face on your chest, flat or not.

Reigen| very, very shy. He's a blushing, stuttering mess.

He constantly whimpers and hides his face from your intense gaze, he starts tearing up if you keep telling him you wanna see him and hear his moans, but in the end, with tears running down his red cheeks, he moves his hands away and squeals when you pin them to the sides of his head, watching him come undone under you.

If you let him go, he gets really clingy and doesn't want you to move away from him, he loves the feeling of your body on top of his, crying against your neck.

Saitama| okay, when you're trying to hint at him he's definitely clueless, he has no idea what you're trying to do and why you keep getting so close to him.

He doesn't realize that your lingering touches mean something else, so it's a little frustrating on your end, so once you let out an "I wanna make love to you!" he finally gets it.

Now you're seeing a side of Saitama you've never really seen.

He gets shy and flustered, which wake his body more sensitive.

However... I do hope you have a body of steel because he can't measure his strength when he's overwhelmed.

V= Volume (how loud they are? what sounds they make?)

Denji| loud. Really loud. Even if you're covering his mouth, he's still too loud.

He's not doing it on purpose though, the movement of your hips against his has him releasing such lewd moans and whines, and he doesn't care if you press his face further into the pillow to quiet him down.

Reigen| well, it's one or the other, he's loud or he's quiet, and it depends on how you're fucking him honestly.

He tends to get more vocal when he's just too horny and needy, but then he's shy and quiet when you've been indulging him, but if you want him to be louder, he'll be a little bit louder for you.

However, once he gets into it, you're gonna have to be mindful of where you are fucking, because he will not quiet down.

Saitama| rather quiet. It usually just breathy moans and gasps, but on the occasion you get him to release a loud moan, he'll instantly cover his mouth and look away, embarrassed that he let out such a loud sound, of course, you wanna hear him more so you purposely fuck him hard, just the way you know it'll make him uncover his mouth to hold onto you or grip the sheets.

K= Kinks (one or more of their kinks)

Denji| for some reason... I feel like he's into breeding, something about feeling your cum filling him up is enough to make him cum untouched.

Size kink is also something he's into, he just loves looking down and seeing your cock pressing against his abdomen, or just the sheer size of your body looming over his. May have been that longing for someone to protect him when he was a kid, but he feels safe when you hold him.

(He's still unsure himself about what kinks he has but he's willing to try anything)

Reigen| pet play, I don't make the rules.

At first, he would call you master or sir as a way to tease you, but the moment you held his face and called him "bunny" he melted.

Along to go with the play, we have feminization. Who wouldn't want to see Reigen in a sexy bunny girl costume, wearing a collar around his neck? I certainly wouldn't mind.

Oh! Orgasm control, he loves it when ton control when he can cum, if you let him cum at all, the way his body shivers as he cums makes his eyes roll back and his mind goes blank.

Saitama| even though he could easily free himself, he loves how vulnerable he feels when he's restrained.

Bondage is something Saitama enjoys, mainly because he can take any kind of pain you inflict onto him, but when he can't see you and you're just being so gentle makes his body tingle.

Power play, he likes to act as such a tough, strong guy, only to get his ass handed to him when you have him pinned down, fucking into him roughly.

Ooh~? Food play~? Something about licking chocolate syrup off your cock makes his body weak, and if you do the same thing to him? He's done for.

Y= Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Denji| high. He's horny pretty much all the time, sometimes he gets touchy and clingy when you are having dinner/breakfast with Aki and Power.

Denji is pretty obvious when he honey and, even if those two know what you're gonna be doing, you'll rather have sex somewhere else, you find a love hotel nearby or just go to your house/apartment.

Denji just doesn't think he'll ever be able to get over how good sex with you feels.

Reigen| only when he's bored and has pretty much nothing to do, or if he's stressed and nothing helps him.

Those are usually the times when he's feeling horny, but anytime you are, he's willing to drop whatever he's doing to have you fuck him.

Saitama| never. You will not see Saitama actively trying to have sex or being horny at all, it is usually you who's the horny boyfriend.

Even so, you have to keep in mind that Saitama can go for a long time, he has too much stamina, and you are gonna have issues keeping up with him, so it's more of a "are you physically capable to keep up with him?" than just "I'm horny, wanna smash?" type of thing

[nalyra-dreaming]

Something I never fully understood is if Daniel is bi in the show? I know in the books he apparently had something with Armand before he erased is memories and manipulated him but in the show this didn’t happen like that. I know a lot of people ship them and speculate if they might get together next season, is this off the books too? Cause maybe I just missed something in the show but I never really got the feeling they were into each other. I even thought Daniel dislikes Armand. Like don’t get me wrong I would be fully here for that couple and I have nothing against the ship and I love to read funny posts/jokes about them but I don’t really know where this comes from in the show.

Which leads me to another question. I often read about people saying Louis/Lestat/Armand etc. weren’t actually gay in the books and it was just subtext but at the same time i see others saying they all were bisexual and in relationships with other men and loved each other (I know the vampires in the books don’t feel sexual attraction like humans anymore).

Okay, so the vampires in the books did not have sex, their height of pleasure is the kill. Anne Rice nonetheless confirmed Lestat as bi, and also that "all her vampires transcend gender" (iirc).

The show added sex back into it, because it was subtext, yes - but very much understood subtext. Also, it definitely is not subtext in all books.... and, even if not full on sex most of the time, there is a lot of kissing, and it has never been "subtext" for me, tbh. I always read it just fine as them loving each other.

As per "Devil's Minion".

Armand does not erase Daniel's memories in the books, that is a show thing. Yes they very much have "something" going, something Daniel has forgotten, and something that will develop still.

Daniel is Armand's only fledgling - and Armand book canonically broke his own rule because he loved Daniel so much he could not let him die.

So yes, there is something between them :) - we will still get to see it on the show, where they obviously have spun it a bit differently.

"The Devil's Minion" is part of the title of the chapter in "Queen of the Damned" which details their relationship, btw :) Just as an info.

EDIT: Also, forgot - yes Daniel very much sleeps with men and women int he book, and I don't think that will be much different on the show.

[rainbowsky]

Hey, I'm new here and i love your blog! I was wondering if the boys see couple\sexual edits of them together and if it makes them nervous but then it hit me that they probably aren't seeing what i see on western social media. Do you have any idea if those types of homosexual posts get censored in China?

Hi Yingyangorly! Thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying my blog!☺️

I have a huge long, like, ridiculously long post in my drafts related to this topic, hopefully coming soon.

But to answer your question, I think it's impossible that GG and DD would fail to see at least some of what's posted about them as a couple, whether sent to them by friends, family or staff, or whether stumbled upon or intentionally sought out/browsed by them. It's inevitable they'll see some of it, particularly things that get a lot of attention.

I talked about this a bit a while back. GG and DD have said in interviews that they have fake social media accounts (and of course they would - how could you go anywhere or do anything on social media without one if you were famous?), and this kind of discussion has happened somewhat in relation to fan comments, etc.

You can check out my previous post for more on that stuff.

As for sexual edits, etc., like any other content I've no doubt they've seen some of it - it's inevitable they would - but I doubt it worries them all that much. It's highly unlikely to ever impact them directly, because ultimately it's not really about them, is it? It's about the creators who make it. Any backlash is more likely to fall upon creators, not GG and DD.

And just as a reminder - it's not illegal to be gay in China, it's not illegal to post homosexual content, etc. Such content is censored on TV and other broadcast media, but not online.

Porn is very illegal in China, but that's mostly only selectively enforced. In fact, China produces a lot of porn and a lot of smutty fiction and all of it is illegal, but it still manages to thrive fairly well.

Explicit content of any kind is technically not allowed on Weibo but it's still out there - although most of it is pretty toned down and tame. Actual porn of sexual activity isn't ubiquitous there, but lewd fan art, fan fic, edits and memes can often be found.

All platforms globally have rules against explicit content, and they're just as poorly enforced everywhere. I suspect a lot of that is because social media engagement makes money, and sex sells. It's not really in the interest of platforms to completely shut down all such content - even if it was possible to do so.

The supertopic rules likely have more impact on fan behavior in this regard than the Weibo TOS does. Those rules forbid mentioning GG and DD by name or tagging their accounts, and forbid sexualization, pornography, feminization and fixating on body parts. However, that's only within the supertopics. Ultimately people are free to post whatever they want on their own accounts, and they do.

Given how many antis and solos are out there trying to take down the turtle fandom, the fact that these things manage to stay up for as long as they do speaks to how weak the enforcement is. There are definitely people out there who will report things that offend them.

This is, in fact, how the whole 227 thing got started. A bunch of solos decided to report an explicit fanfic to the government, and things spiralled out of control from there.

Could lightning strike a second time and another 227 be sparked from some of this explicit content? For a lot of complicated reasons I'm not going to get into here (it would be a very long post), I don't think that's likely.

227 was a special, very complicated situation that I don't think is likely to happen the same way again. Timing and a lot of the other factors that played into its blowing up the way it did - all of that is unlikely to align in such a way. Especially since everyone in C-ent is a lot more cautious and vigilant after 227.

GG and DD are both in good standing with the government (as is evidenced by their inclusion in government and nationalistic projects), and that's a factor that will have some influence. And no doubt they and their teams have learned a lot from past experience, and have already planned for how to protect them in various scenarios that could arise.

They also have the power to have content relating to them removed, to sue content creators, to shut down the supertopics if they want to, etc.. If they feel at risk, they have a lot of recourse. The fact that we aren't seeing this happening should reassure us that it's probably fine.

We have to realize that GG and DD are surrounded by highly skilled, highly paid professionals whose entire job is to protect them and their interests. They're both in a much safer place than they were 4 years ago.

I trust them to know what's best for them and handle their affairs accordingly. We as fans shouldn't waste time hand-wringing over things that are completely outside our control.

As for what's within our control - it's up to every individual to make our own choices about how we'll represent GG and DD online.

More on that angle if/when I ever finish that other post.

[starbylers]

Honestly and truly, one thing that makes me so confident in Byler is the quality of most anti takes being absolutely horrendous. And I’m not talking about the childish hate, I mean when they actually try and make a critical point about the show.

The other day I saw a Mlvn say that Bylers apparently think Mike is being too ‘normal’ by dating El, and we are wrong because El actually ‘goes against societal norms’…because she grew up being abused in the lab…and because Will grew up ‘normally’ (was not abused in lab) Mike being with Will would actually be the choice that ‘traps him in normalcy’... And then I saw another one say that Mike dating El isn’t conformity because El is considered a ‘threat to society’...because of her powers. Like 😭😭😭

It just made me think…wow. You’re telling me this is the grasp the opposing side have on the themes of the show, how those themes influence the characters, and how that all interacts within the social context of the time period? El is a girl. Will and Mike are both boys. It’s the 80s. Obviously the situation is more complicated and nuanced than just those facts, but it is truly not that hard to understand where conformity might come into play.

Like society is not oppressing Mike because he decided to date a female superhero 💀 meanwhile him growing up in an extremely homophobic place and time period maybe possibly definitely could lead to suppression of his sexuality and dating someone of the opposite sex rather than his 1000x more compatible same-sex friend because society would deem that immoral and wrong. Also yes, El does deal with mental health difficulties stemming from her childhood and it certainly impacts how she moves through the world, but again…what societal conventions and rules is Mike rejecting/not conforming to by dating a girl who happens to struggle with childhood trauma? No-one who we come across in the series finds anything strange about these two dating, in fact their feelings are suspected/expected by their friends before they even get together.

It’s wild that they think the height of nonconformism in 1980s small town America is having made-up superpowers…when a gay man is literally right there…and them also implying that El being traumatised makes her like, 'not-normal enough’ for her and Mike’s relationship to be considered subversive or something…sure is an opinion! A really awful one!

It’s like they’re conflating conformity with ‘everyday normalness’, and using fantasy elements and dramatic plots within the show to prove how different from regular reality/life the Mlvn pairing is, rather than understanding conformity (the theme spelled out for us in the show) for its actual definition—behaviour in accordance with socially accepted conventions.

Just saying if you ever worry that you think too deeply into Byler evidence…just remember that at least you’re actually thinking. The “worst” Byler take will always be a million times more carefully thought-out than the “best” anti take.

[contemplatingoutlander]

As The New Republic reports, “Alito is complaining that people who oppose homosexuality were being unfairly branded as bigots, despite that being a dictionary definition of bigotry.” On Tuesday, agreeing the Court should not take a case, Alito wrote he is “concerned” that a lower court’s reasoning “may spread.” He notes that the lower court “reasoned that a person who still holds traditional religious views on questions of sexual morality is presumptively unfit to serve on a jury in a case involving a party who is a lesbian.” In that case, several jurors who acknowledged they held anti-LGBTQ views were released from serving on the trial. “That holding exemplifies the danger that I anticipated in 'Obergefell v. Hodges' … namely, that Americans who do not hide their adherence to traditional religious beliefs about homosexual conduct will be ‘labeled as bigots and treated as such’ by the government.'” Slate’s Mark Joseph Stern writes, “Alito suggests that a trial court violates the free exercise and equal protection clauses when it allows an attorney who represents a gay client to strike potential jurors because they express overt bigotry against gay people.” [...] Attorney Max Kennerly posits, “If we followed Alito’s reasoning that religious beliefs can never serve as a basis to strike a juror, we’d instantly run into a collision with jurors who believe, on religious grounds, the death penalty is wrong. Any guesses how Alito would rule on that? Yeah, exactly.”

Why the condemnation of homosexual behavior by some (NOT all) religious conservatives might legitimately raise questions of bigotry

It seems to me that Alito is acting as if "traditional religious views" about homosexuality are uniform.

Alito doesn't seem to acknowledge (or perhaps is not fully aware) that there are some interpretations of scripture that do not support the condemnation of homosexual behavior or even of same-sex unions. In fact there are some mainstream Christian denominations that allow for blessings of same-sex couples (including recently the very "traditional" Roman Catholic Church). Furthermore, Reconstructionist, Reform and Conservative Jewish sects also allow the blessing of same-sex unions.

Given all of the above, one might reasonably wonder why some (not all) conservative Christians or Jews seem to prefer to accept anti-LGBTQ+ translations/ interpretations of scripture, when other translations/ interpretations that are more sympathetic to homosexual behavior are available.

Of course the primary group of religious people in the U.S. that condemns homosexual behavior consists of some (not all) right-wing "Christians" from various denominations. But one also might wonder why these same right-wing "Christians" DON'T seem to want to pass laws banning divorce, adultery, usury, lying, etc., but they DO want to pass anti-LGBTQ+ legislation? After all, behaviors like divorce, adultery, usury, and lying are clearly condemned in various parts of the Bible.

One might also ask, why do some of these same right-wing "Christians" who think it is okay to condemn the LGBTQ+ community, not also condemn a prominent politician like Trump, who has been divorced multiple times, committed adultery multiple times, and who lies almost every time he opens his mouth?

It is the picking and choosing of what to condemn, and the hyperfocus on using the law to allow those with certain "religious views" to deny the rights of the LGBTQ+ community (while not choosing to deny the rights of other kinds of so-called "sinners"--NOT that I support that either) that suggests it might be legitimate to question whether some on the religious right use religion as an excuse to hold bigoted beliefs about and/or to discriminate against the LGBTQ+ community.

[edited]

[tirfpikachu]

as a wheelchair woman who isn't validated by all the terms or sayings in the english language, trans ppl need to start giving eachother the advice to build resilience as a community instead of inciting bitterness against The Cissies and actually accept being the exception to the rule. you need to realize that language, especially language important for activism reasons, doesn't need to completely change to include you in every single area. sometimes someone will say something about walking or stairs or driving or lots of things that i physically cannot do, and at first it pissed me off when i still was feeling jaded about being disabled, but i really did find so much peace after i actually accepted it. i don't think many trans people have actually fully accepted being trans, being different. if it was a close friend i was having a one-on-one talk with, the difference not being acknowledged might feel a bit weird at times, but i would never expect a total stranger to alter their language just to include me. that would feel super awkward and clunky and just feel like trying to pander to me out of excessive politeness. i nowadays understand that sayings and og definitions of terms may not include me... and that's okay!! even as a gay person, in feminist spaces, women will talk about men in dating and it's obviously implied that they're talking about straight & bi men without them needing to specify the straight part every single fucking time. it would be so tedious and unnecessary. i totally accept them using it that way in certain contexts. it took me a while to get there, but i now see it neutrally.

the thing is trans ppl themselves even use sex/agab-based language for the overwhelming majority of people and only ever care when the person is considered too gnc to look/act like a "normie" male/female person. they also will talk shit about men without saying cishet before it everytime, it's just implied, and you can tell from context clues. why isn't that the case with women/womanhood? why can't woman be both a biological sex and also a gender role that some may transition into or wish to? why can't feminists use the first definition, the og version of the term, when talking about generic female issues? why can't trans ppl add nuance if needed, but also sit back and understand that marginalized groups need to discuss things at length and having to insert a billion caveats every single time when using a term that applies to the GRAND MAJORITY of people living as men/women slows down our activism and just frustrates everyone for no good reason? you have to understand that you're an outlier. you have to understand that you're outside the norm. blm activists don't mention people with skin disorders every single time they discuss race dynamics. gay activists don't need to mention trans ppl who live as the opposite sex/agab every single time they talk abt gay issues. female folks don't need to mention male/amab ppl in every single female/afab-specific discussion unless it's relevant. just as trans ppl can focus on their own issues too without needing to watch their tongue excessively to cater to non-trans feelings. sometimes you need to know that you're the exception, and as such ppl won't need to mention that not all people can drive when talking about road accidents, or that not everyone can get the vaccine done in their arms if they're amputees, or that some gay people are ace so they don't need to worry about being caught having gay sex and facing homophobia for it. sometimes you gotta learn that you're not always gonna be the center of the conversation, especially in conversations involving differently marginalized people. bio women & transmasc ppl don't need to mention transfems on issues of abortions or genital mutilation or sex-specific laws. bio men & transfems don't need to center transmascs to validate their identities when talking about the aids crisis, which primarily affected male homosexual people. feminists should be allowed to use women in the biological sex definition, and trans activists should be allowed to use women to mean anyone living as a woman in society.

the overwhelming majority of people aren't trans, and cis/bio women are an oppressed class in huge numbers. so sometimes trans ppl have to learn that men & women as terms are primarily used referring to one definition, while they, as trans people, fit another definition of the words. and that's not the world being cruel to spite you. people of course can be cruel to trans folks; if they purposefully misgender somebody or outlaws adult transition completely and mock trans bodies etc that can really harm someone's mental health. but you cannot seriously expect words like man & woman, words that initially have always referred to body types and were made to facilitate communication between two radically different people with different needs and baggage, to be used with endless trans-related caveats every single time. even trans people themselves often don't do it! same with using they/them for people without them asking you otherwise being called a bigot. that's getting into silliness territory for me. as much as being trans sucks, trans people need to build resilience to being different than the norm. and not just through inside jokes and memes and snarky discourse. they could learn a lot from the physically disabled community, honestly. i know how much it sucks to realize how someone is talking doesn't reflect your own personal experience. but sometimes you have experiences that differ from the norm, and that's okay! you can chuckle a bit and shake your head and move on with your life. it doesn't need to be seen as an attack or make you feel totally abandoned by the leftist community. you won't always be included in every social justice conversation. someone's definition of something might not include you everytime. and it's tiring. it's annoying at times. but it can also be okay. the more trans people try to change the fabric of society to an extreme amount and give extreme demands, the more the world will see them as emotional, impulsive toddlers who are out of their minds. they're actually worsening the image of their movement instead of helping anyone. they're leading to more transphobic prejudice, not less. why not just understand that words can have different meanings? that as long as someone doesn't have bad intent and otherwise is a good ally, them using words meant to make conversations easier and more succinct can be literally no big deal? you can be like "oh okay, this is about cis/bio women" and move on if it's super obviously the case. if you have an interesting insight as a trans woman or a transmasc person you can chime in, but otherwise just read between the lines and not interrupt important feminist discussions.

sometimes you actually do need to desensitize yourself to these things and practice radical acceptance of exactly who and what you are. you don't need to try to tear up leftist spaces and reshape them to awkwardly fit every single micro experience marginalized people can face all at once. you can have different discussions for different things and use words in different ways. having control issues about that is actually making things worse for you in the long run! and making you look pretty dumb to your allies who really are in your corner, but have issues of their own. i don't need people to mention not everyone can walk, drive or work every 5 seconds to include me. especially not on a random post. it would feel weird!! it's okay to not fit every average conversation. you don't need to harass people, especially feminists, into changing their language in every single conversation and make debates last 5000x longer. sometimes you just wanna talk shit about men without having to specify that it only applies to xyz type of men. sometimes you want to complain about being a woman and refer to body issues that typically come with being a woman. sometimes you talk about man/woman dynamics and it'll mostly apply to non-trans folks. it's okay! trans ppl can definitely add comments for nuance if it's of interest, or make their own posts on their own very complex experiences. but you cannot keep slowing down the feminist movement and try to force other activists to do things that are just unreasonable, things that many trans folks don't even do themselves!!

[honeymongering]

OC Smash or Pass!!

Rules: pretty self explanatory. include physical descriptions or pics, and propaganda. the “other” label can be used for “sexuality misalignment” (ie: oc is femme and you’re gay, vice versa or you aren’t into smashing but a specific thing you wanna do with them like perhaps hug or study them under a microscope idc).

Tagged by @thedeafprophet! :3

Name: Doctor Arden Chapman (aka The Languid Apiarian) Age: 63 (but who's counting?) Gender: Male, usually (he/him) Sexuality: yeah!! (slight preference for masculine people)

🐝 ✨ Propaganda for:

Very polite and treats everyone with the utmost respect, unless he has an explicit reason not to.

Knows all the good spots in Veilgarden.

Can supply you with as much honey as you desire.

Will gift you lots of flowers from his garden!

When you have his undivided attention, will treat you like the most important person in the world.

Lots of lavish dates and parties. But only if you're comfortable with it. He is more than happy to spend a quiet, private evening with you instead.

Knows his way around society. Where he is liked, he is liked well. And where he is not liked, he has enough charisma to get by.

Years of experience* but not exceedingly kinky**.

More romance-seeking than sex-motivated, but not opposed to sex in any regard.

🐝 🍯 Honey-addled middle ground:

Has quite a few spouses.

Flirtatious towards many, but this does not mean his flirtations towards you are any less genuine.

Does not care about his reputation (member of the Tomb-Colonies Vacation Club). Scandal rarely below 6.

So many bees???

**Honey play (could be a pro).

Wardrobe is almost entirely shades of yellow.

Bandages as a fashion statement??

🐝 🚩Propaganda against:

*Has spent the last 20+ years living in the Tomb-Colonies.

May not return home for extended periods of time and falls asleep in his laboratory regularly.

Obsessive but secretive about his research.

His scientific curiosity will probably override regard for your safety.

Overindulges in the Neath's pleasures (more specifically, honey). Honey addict.

Can be found languishing in various honey dens if he cannot divert his attention towards something (or someone) he is passionate about.

Bandaged eye is encrusted with a honey-like substance?

Not very forthcoming about his past. Will talk circles around questions directed towards himself.

Dependent on a secret self-manufactured drug?

indulges in unknown pleasures

I'm not going to tag anyone, because I honestly don't know who hasn't been tagged at this point, but if you haven't and see this, you definitely can!!

[malereadermaniac]

Taylor Swift lyrics with Your Crush p.2

Male reader / Male crush

Requested but Tumblr deleted the ask 😭 m!reader (no genitalia mentioned) / FDNI word count: 1.1k fyi each lyric is a different scenario, they aren't linked

"Please don't be in love with someone else, please dont have somebody waitin' on you" ~ Enchanted

He was in love with you, (y/c) couldn't deny that anymore, but he was DEEP in the closet

After spending those whole 24h together, it only strengthened his feelings for you

He knew you must like him too after what the two of you did, but during the HUGE amount of talking you two did after having sex (y/c) mentioned his fear or coming out

Now, he's constantly stressed at the idea of you falling for another guy while you wait for (y/c)

He spends nights on end worrying about it, more than he worries about coming out in general

"Oh i remeber you driving to my house in the middle of the night, im the one who makes you laugh even when you're 'bout to cry" ~ You Belong with Me

Not to sound like a pick-me but his girlfriend was horrid

She only dated (y/c) for the social status, a social climber if you would

You and (y/c) have been friends for a while, becoming friends day 1 of high-school

He lived ages away but he would still come over to your house to hang out at least twice a week

You developed a crush on him real quick - after you came out he was one of the few people who stood up for you to the dickheads who thought it was hilarious that your liked guys - and you're heart just skipped a beat

But since he started dating his girlfriend, he's become slightly more distant and definitely less himself

(Y/c) seems overall less happy

So when your phone buzzes in the middle of the night, you could only guess it was (y/c) but the text itself freaked you out

"Im outside please come down"

You're outside ASAP

His eyes are sunken liked he'd been crying or hasn't been sleeping

"Sorry (y/n) I just really needed to talk to someone

You assure him it's okay and ask what's up, and that's when it starts

To summarise, they argued, (y/c) had had enough of his gf controlling little things in his life, she blew up and now he's single

And to summarise again, you invited him in, lent him a shoulder to cry on and the night ended with you two sharing a bed

"I need someone tonight. I'm sorry"

"I could see you in your suit and a neck tie, pass me a note saying 'meet me tonight' then we kiss and you know I won't ever tell" ~ I can see you

After high-school, (y/c) managed to solidify a fancy job, one which had many black tie events - rich people being rich

He would always bring you as a plus one, but you were his "friend" his co-workers had no idea you were his BOY"friend"

He had your permission to do that though, most of the people at these events were investors who were older than stonehenge, so they weren't too fond of gay people

But as soon as the event is over, once the door to the fancy car (y/c) can now afford closes he's all over you and vice versa

By the time you two arrive back home, your neck already had hickeys on it, and his top button is undone along with his gelled hair messed up

Your front door barely locks before (y/c) has you up against a wall, kissing up your neck to your lips

Your hands gently undo his neck tie, juxtaposing his rough hands man-handling you, your mouth, your face

"We could let out friends crash in the living room, this is our place, we make the rules" ~ Lover

You couldn't believe the man you'd known for 4 years, had a college crush on and eventually had a fling with would be the man you buy a house with

He was absolutely enamoured by you since that fateful day during finals, he would fantasise about this day

Memories would be made in this house:

Him sneaking up on you while you were baking in the kitchen, he scared you so much that you hit him with the dough

Playing with the whipped cream afterwards, giggling as he links some off your nose - a moment which could only end in one very spicy way

(Y/c) randomly saying he wanted to paint one of the walls purple at 11pm and the two of you driving to a 24h store and painting the wall until 4am - laughing the whole time

The Christmas lights staying up until the end of January, your friends telling you it was bad luck but the two of you wouldn't take them down - for the sole reason that the two of you couldn't find a day you both had time to do it, refusing to do it by yourselves

"Is this the end of all the endings? My broken bones are mending, with all these nights we're spending" ~ King of My Heart

The two of you were close friends, (y/c) had watched you go through every single painful breakup you could ever go through

He subconsciously wished you would break up with your boyfriend everytime you would get with a new one but he'd push those thoughts down for supportive ones for his dear friend

It was late at night, a few weeks after your boyfriend fucked you over again - he was originally your ex which exploited your kind nature, weakling his way back into your life according to (y/c)

Sitting on the hood of his car, you and (y/c) Chat away while drinking WDK, "sweet liquid shit" as (y/c) calls it but he drinks it for you cause you hate all other alcohol

You felt at home, comforted by bring with (y/c), and he felt that this was right, this was how it was supposed to be

That night ended with a kiss, under the moon light, utterly perfect

Or it ended with his car windows steamed up, it's up to you

"Our secret moments in a crowded room, they got no idea about me and you, there is an indentation in the shape of you, you made you're mark on me" ~ Dress

He's always been a possessive kinda guy, always touching you in some way

At a formal event, the two of you wanted to keep the PDA at a minimum, but (y/c) couldn't BEAR not being able to touch you for hours, so he decided the next best think was marking you

You'd never shouted at him louder

Not only did he bite your neck and leave a FAT hickey, but it was in a hard to hide spot

You had to spend an extra half hour getting ready cause concealer and Youtube hacks weren't working

Few people at the event noticed and none of them even asked you, but (y/c)'s ego had never soared higher

Also! Just wanna mention that while I do look at my ask box frequently, chances are requests won't be done unless I really like the idea - sorry!

So yeah that's also why this took forever to be made.

[alpaca-clouds]

Where are my toxic lesbians? (And the wholesome gays?)

About two years ago in my German blog back then I wrote a blog about the lack of good gay representation. Because at that time we had quite a few shows with female queer relationships between main characters - the same was not true for male queer relationships. Don't get me wrong, there was some, but not much. Not compared to the sapphic ships.

Now it is two years later and I am happy to report, that things have changed. We got a lot more shows that have gay and bisexual men. Also just other media with queer men. Yay.

But also, I am noticing another pattern. The queer men we get are allowed to be complex and also a bit toxic. Meanwhile a lot of the lesbian stuff we have is - or at least ends up - very saccarine.

Now, before anyone goes "well, actually" on me: Yes, there are exceptions to this rule. I mean, Killing Eve was a show that ended up with... complex sapphic stuff. And sure, Catradora ended on a very saccarine note, but it was rather toxic on the way there. And yes, while of course it is complicated, too, Ed/Stede in OFMD are all in all a very sweet relationship. But yeah, exceptions do not change the rule.

I very much love all the complicated gay stuff we got this year (and the end of last year). With Interview with the Vampire, then Mizrak and Olrox, and finally now Captain Laserhawk. Oh, and I am tempted to count Astarion into this, because he definitely even without counting in his "playersexual" behavior, he is a queer man. And he is most certainly not a good person.

But my thing really is, that I want a relationship like that with some sapphic characters. Which is something we really did not get much of so far.

I think the core of the problem is, too, that a lot of the lesbian relationships we got in recent times, were in PG-rated shows, while basically most of the gay stuff was in R-rated media. And to be frank with you, the only PG-rated gay relationship I can think of, is the stuff in Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts, but that relationship was very much on the sideline of the show. Like, even Our Flag Means Death, which is all in all very sweet, is still rated "Mature".

And I think in a way this kinda goes to the core of the problem: Society at large tends to think of sapphic relationships are more innocent, than it does of gay relationships. And lets be completely honest, a lot of this goes back to the idea that "lesbians do not have sex", because in so many minds sex can only happen when there is a dick involved.

As such, lesbian relationships are always seen as something theoretically more "suitable" for a kids show, than a gay relationship is. Which is probably the main reason, why there is barely any examples of queer male characters in PG-rated stuff.

Though, honestly. It does not explain why there is this chronic lack of toxic lesbians. Because even in the R-rated stuff with lesbians (CaitVi comes to mind), the sapphic relationships tend to be the softest part of the entire show.

Killing Eve (where the sapphic stuff happening had to be won against the network) is really the only example I can think of in recent times, that is anywhere on the same level like IWTV, Laserhawk or Mizrox. And I think it is a bloody shame.

Gimme some toxic lesbians with complicated relationships. But also, give me a show like The Owl House, that focuses has the same focus Lumity received on a sweet, saccarine gay relationship between boys. Please?

[patrocles]

i started hotd but had to stop when criston Beat A Gay Man to Death and then just stuck around making snide comments about rhae i got so confused with the fandom shipping him with alicent did i miss something?? im sorry im not in the fandom i just Dont Understand why people like criston in any way that scene was so upsetting and homophobic

(I'm going to use this opportunity to yap a lot about Criston and Alicent, a lot of this is just things i've been mulling over, I'm not shouting down at you specifically, anon. i absolutely understand wanting to stop the show, or any show that makes you uncomfortable)

So I think a lot of nuance is being purposefully removed when people talk about Criston. And I do think the writing of s1 is to blame cus it is super spotty in a lot of places especially in regards to characterization cus it was just rapid-fire pacing. And a similar argument could also be made for how people talk about Alicent.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m absolutely not saying anyone has to like Criston (or any character) and I’m definitely not saying that Criston isn’t flawed. (In fact, the opposite— that his flaws are exactly what make him a compelling character)

I mean hell, Daemon killed his wife, treats Rhaena like shit, and groomed Rhaenyra, but no one really questions how or why people enjoy him as a character.

But Alicent and Criston DO have a complex and interesting relationship. And I think there's definitely something to be said about how people talk about them specifically compared to the other Targaryen characters. People who hate Alicent like to reduce her whole character down to her being petty and jealous of Rhaenyra for having "good sex", hypocritical, "white feminist", slept with Nyra's dad so she's a scheming bitch the whole time. Very much removing context and simplifying her down to nothing.

A similar thing can be said for how people talk about Criston. It's very easy to reduce him to just this petty incel lunatic, which feels unfair. Especially when Targaryen characters specifically are given miles of deference and nuance, despite their flaws like Aegon for example.

Going back to the writing, I think what got lost in show translation surrounding him killing Joffrey was circumstances surrounding Criston at the time— again, please don’t think I’m excusing it, I just think context matters— is how serious these characters (particularly Alicent and Criston) believe in the world that they're in. And it's not something that's truly emphasized in the writing.

It's not that Alicent is just jealous of Rhaenyra for "having a good sex life", but she truly believes that Rhaenyra is breaking laws that have existed for everyone else forever. (Having bastards is against the law, bastards inheriting IS against the law, putting a bastard on the throne would be super duper against the law). But what broke their friendship was that Rhaenyra lied about something serious, something Alicent would have protected and defended her over, and that cost her her father, the 1 person who was on her side in some small way. Subsequently, she became untrustworthy to Alicent.

And finally she snaps at Driftmark after years of being gaslit and essentially told that the rules that she's always had to abide by (bc it's the rules everyone else has to abide by) (and the rules that got her pimped out to a leper king and forced to have kids he wouldn't even care about), doesn't apply to Rhaenyra and the final straw is being told that the physical well being of her son doesn't matter as much as the hurt feelings of Rhaenyra's.

Circling back, Criston was fully expecting to die after he told Alicent what happened with Rhaenyra because because he broke his oaths and it's punishable by death— and he knows this has been enforced before. He was crumbling, mentally, believing that everything he worked for is gone only to then have his shame indirectly blackmailed/threatened by some guy he doesn't even know. And he snaps with the intent to commit suicide after. But it wasn't an attack out of homophobia, though. It would have happened regardless of who it was, it just happened to be Joffrey.

Why people like Alicent and Criston because they very much are a unit of non-Targaryens existing within the Targaryen family and will always be considered outsiders. (Criston especially is a racial minority within the world, being part Dornish, and who are not looked at favorably by the rest of the country). They've both tried to be a part of this family as best they can, been used by them. (There's definitely a case to be made, whether people like it or not, about the dubious consent surrounding Rhaenyra using her power to get Criston to sleep with her and whether or not he even had the power to refuse her. And part of what breaks him is knowing the 1 thing he had, his honor, was thrown away for something that didn't matter to Rhaenyra at all, even if she knew the consequences for him too.)

Criston is Alicent's person that's kind of just all hers, which matters a great deal to her after nearly a lifetime of never really having anyone that's on her side, exclusively, and hasn't tried to exploit her for their own personal gain. He's sworn to her and likewise, Alicent gives Criston renewed purpose in life. Even if we don't see it, we can absolutely infer that he stepped in with her children when they were being neglected by Viserys. He's probably the 1 person that Alicent has come to trust completely when it became very evident that she had no one else. In Alicent, Criston has found a sort of salvation, and there's this religious idealization of her. They're basically coworkers and kinda best friends and also kinda co-parents.

But that doesn't necessarily mean that he's her attack dog at the ready, as some people have claimed; the 1 time we to see her actually instruct him to do violence (take Luke's eye), he refuses and he goes to stop her from hurting Rhaenyra before being stopped by Daemon.

So what I mean by all this, is that I genuinely think there are a lot of complex things at work with Criston and his relationship with Alicent. That's not at all to say that you have to ship them and I understand why some people don't. I think it's a bit reductive to say that he's just this violent animal with nothing else interesting to think about.

In summary:

[genderqueerdykes]

What are your thoughts on lesbian separatism and the rules some try to enforce today from that, especially that no bi person can use butch/femme terms?

Coming from a bi butch who struggled to use that term for myself because of those people

hello there! i'm really glad to took the time to ask, I have a lot to say on this subject!

lesbian separatism is bullshit! the "movement" started to exclude lesbians who are attracted to men, lesbians who are men, transgender and transsexual lesbians, and lesbians who socialize with men. this community has also expressed heavy amounts of butchphobia

butches who were men or partially men were cast out, as were butches who were transsexual or transgender, wanted to take hormones, or get top surgery or sex reassignment surgery. butches who didn't identify the way lesbian separatists like were chucked out of or heavily discriminated against in these spaces.

the "movement" was an attempt to make it so that lesbians who identified as bisexual were discredited and removed of their lesbian status. even lesbians who socialized closely with men were often seen as "traitors" to lesbianism. the idea that lesbians could not be men, even partially, was also introduced during this time, and there was a call to push trans men and transmascs out of lesbian spaces.

there are a lot of folks who are trying to put up barriers between lesbians and bisexual women/people, but those lines shouldn't exist to begin with. a lesbian is a lesbian regardless of who else they're attracted to. no one gets to tell someone what their identity is, and they certainly don't get to strip it away because of outside factors!

butch and femme are terms that have been used by the queer community for decades- they began seeing very popular usage in early 1900s america. these terms have been used for all queer people- feminine gay men were also called femmes and masculine gay men were also called butches.

femme was and is meant to used the queer presentation of femininity- whether that be a femme lesbian, a drag queen, a trans girl, a feminine trans guy, whoever it may be, if you are queer and primarily feminine or express queer femininity, the term femme was/is used

butch was and is meant to be used to refer to the queer presentation of masculinity- butch lesbians, drag kings, bears, trans guys, masculine trans girls, as long as you are someone who expresses queer femininity, the term was/is used

i am very sorry that you have been affected by this rhetoric- a lot of people have, especially now. i know that there are very vocal and angry people online right now trying to say what's right for the lesbian community, but separatism definitely is not it. you do not have to fuss over whether or not you can call yourself butch or femme as a bisexual lesbian- you are queer, and these terms are not tied solely to lesbianism. even if they were, you would still be allowed to use them, because you are a lesbian

a bisexual lesbian is a lesbian. a pansexual lesbian is a lesbian. a polysexual lesbian is a lesbian. an omnisexual lesbian is a lesbian. lesbians are lesbians regardless of how many genders we're attracted to. spreading us across numerous communities won't help- sticking together keeps us strong. acceptance of and love toward all lesbians will be what unites us

hope this helps! take care, stay safe, if you have any more questions, feel free to ask!

[chickensarentcheap]

In a Heartbeat- Chapter Five

Fandom: Extraction

PAIRING: TYLER RAKE AND ESME DRUMMOND (ESTABLISHED OFC)

SUMMARY:  Dhaka nearly ended everything before it even began.  In it’s aftermath and with Tyler’s life teetering on the threshold between life and death, Esme is about to realize just how strong she can be.  And that love happens when it happens. There’s no rules. No rhyme or reason. No timeline.  

Warnings: brief mention of sex toys and kinks (butt plugs, dildos, pegging. But not in the way you think lol)

Tagging: @tragiclyhip @youflickedtooharddamnit @secretaryunpaid @munstysmind @themaradwrites @ninjasawakenedmystar @thebejeweledwatercat @alisbackalleybbq @theesirenteller @karimac @kmc1989 @asirensrage @residentdormouse @arrthurpendragon @ocappreciation @occommunity

Link to Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48691714/chapters/129441475

My tag list is OPEN. Please just ask to be added if you'd like :D

****

“Okay…” Slipping off his coat, Tyler surveys his surroundings, greeting a waiting and ecstatic Lucy with a vigorous rub of the head. “...now it’s all starting to make sense.”

Esme sets both the wheeled suitcase and duffle bag by the door, then drops her hobo-style handbag on the kitchen table. “What’s making sense?”

“Why none of those pictures from the ‘net showed the inside of this place.”

Shrugging out of her jacket, she removes her beanie and tosses both aside; shaking out her long, dark tresses before placing her hands on her hips and surveying their surroundings. “It’s not THAT bad. It’s quaint. Cozy. Cute.”

“You realize that’s wood panelling on the walls, yeah?”

“Okay, so it kind of reminds me of my grandparents’ basement. Which they haven’t remodelled since the early seventies. But I’ve seen worse. I’ve LIVED in worse.”

“Is this where you tell me about your time in some rat-infested dump in New York City?”

“New York isn’t as horrible as you make it out to be. I would have given up an organ, even a limb, to land something right in the city. A walk-up apartment in an old brownstone. That was always my dream. To have a cute little place like Carrie Bradshaw’s.”

“Who?”

“Carrie Bradshaw. The main character in Sex and the City? Played by Sarah Jessica Parker? She’s married to Matthew Broderick? You know, the guy who was Ferris Bueller?”

“I have no goddamn clue who any of these people are.”

“You’ve never heard of Sex and the City? Have you been living in a cave? Cooking over an open fire? Throwing random women over your shoulder and carrying them back for sexy time?”

Smirking, he removes his beanie. “That’s how I landed you, wasn’t it?”

“You landed me with your pretty blue eyes and your sexy voice and your big dick.”

“You’re nothing if not honest.”

“Carrie is a writer,” Esme continues, holding the back of a kitchen chair to keep it steady as he lowers himself into it. “She writes about relationships and sex and life in the Big Apple. And she’s got her little posse; Miranda, the fiercely independent lawyer, Charlotte the die-hard romantic, longing to find true love, Samantha the big-time slut who loves men just a little too much. She was my favourite, by the way.”

“Makes sense. What’s that saying? Something about birds of a feather flocking together?”

She scowls. “Well, that’s just plain rude.”

“If you ask me, the show sounds like it’s for girls.”

“Plenty of men loved it. Mostly gay men, but…” Retreating to the middle of the living room, she places a hand on her hip, eyes narrowing as she taps the tip of her index against her lips.. “...I see the potential here. It’s not a lost cause. And it’s definitely not hideous. It’s just…”

“It’s ugly, and you know it.”

“Dated. It’s dated.”

“It’s not a person. You can say what you really feel. You can’t hurt its feelings.”

“I thought you, of all people, would love something like this. This is a five-star resort compared to where you were living when I met you.”

“I’ll have you know that I built that place myself. By hand.”

“And I’m extremely proud of you, and I find it very sexy when a man is great with his hands. In all the best possible ways. But babe, you had no interior walls, most of your windows didn’t close properly, and you had chickens as roommates. Believe me, this is a step up.”

“So what you’re saying is that it’s a ‘no’ to chickens in the house. Kinda ruins my plans.”

“As much as I’d rather NOT be constantly picking up their shit, I’ll deal. Only because I know how much you love the mangey little bastards. But they are NOT sleeping in bed with us.”

“What about night’s you’re not here?”

“It’s unlikely we’ll encounter nights like those, but IF it happens? You better make sure you change the damn sheets before I get home. You totally slept with your chickens before you met me, didn’t you. You totally let them in the bed.”

“Once in a while.”

“So which one of you was the little spoon? Or did you alternate every second night?”

“Has anyone ever told you that you have a really smart mouth?”

“No. But I have been told how extremely talented it is.”

“That I CAN’T argue with. I definitely have no complaints.”

“Even if you did, I wouldn’t listen to them. So…” Tugging playfully on his ears, she lays a hand on the nape of his neck and steps around to the side of the chair. “...what do you think? About this place? I know it isn’t as bougie as you’re used to, but…”

Reaching under the bottom of her shirt, he hooks a finger in one of the belt loops on her jeans and pulls her down onto his left thigh. “It’s tolerable. For now.” Pressing a kiss to her shoulder, his hand moves to her stomach, calloused palm flat against warm, smooth skin. “Until we’re able to get around to doing stuff.”

“Nik says it’s all ours. We can do whatever we want with it. I know it’s not going to be a permanent place for us, but…”

“I mean, it could be. If that’s what you wanted.”

“I just assumed you’d want to go home. That we’d end up in Australia.”

“We can end up wherever you want. I have no ties to ANY place. Just say where you want to go, and that’s where we’ll head.”

“It’s definitely something we’ll have to talk about. I can’t really decide something like THAT all on my own. You need to have a say in it, too. It’s not just me that deserves to be happy.”

“I’m happy as long as you are. Just say where you want to go. We’ll go.”

“As cute and sappy as that is…”

“You did NOT just use the c and the s word to describe me. In the SAME sentence.”

“...we both know it doesn’t work that way. That if you just follow me somewhere with no say, things would not end well. So we’ll talk about it. When we’re ready to make a decision like that. Sound good?”

“Whatever you say.”

“Goddamn, you’re difficult.”

“I thought I was being pretty easy and reasonable. What more do you want from me?”

“We both need to do a lot of work when it comes to being in a relationship.”

“Please don’t suggest therapy. I’ve had enough therapy in the past two months to last me a lifetime.”

“No therapy. I might get you to read some self-help books or listen to some podcasts…”

“Get off me.”

“That’s a request you usually don’t make,” she quips, then laughs and tightens her hold on him when he attempts to push her off his lap. “Baby, you’re so cute. Even when you’re being a grumpy shit.”

He smirks. “Fuck off, Esme.”

“You need a nap.” Placing a kiss on his temple, she affectionately tousles his hair and stands. “Or something to eat. Maybe both. Are you hangry, Tyler James? Are you hangry and sweepy?”

“Yes.”

“I’m just going to take a quick look around and then make us something to eat. And you’ve got meds to take. You’re due.”

“I’m fine.”

“You know what the doctor said. About making sure you keep on schedule. If you don’t do that…”

“The pain will really set in, and it’ll be harder to get rid of it. I was there. I heard him.”

“Then quit being so difficult. You don’t need to be an insufferable asshole twenty-four-seven.”

“Yes, I do. I have a reputation to keep.”

“Believe me, your reputation isn’t going anywhere. Not everyone can survive what you did. I think you cemented your legend status.”

“By the way, how does that make you feel about things?”

She pauses in the doorway of the spare bedroom. “What things?”

“Life, in general. Knowing you’re spending your life fucking a legend.”

“Well, I wouldn’t know, would I? Considering I haven’t fucked him since he got the title.”

With a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth, he snatches the discarded beanie from the middle of the table. “You can be a real bitch, you know that?”

“Now THAT I do know.” She laughs as she effortlessly dodges the hat thrown in her direction. “Give me a few minutes, and then I’ll make something to eat. You won’t starve in the meantime.”

“You’re actually going to subject me to your cooking the first day in?”

Scowling, she disappears into the second bedroom. Several seconds passing before just her hand appears in the doorway in order to flip him the middle finger.

His fingers alternate between slipping through Lucy’s short, smooth fur and scratching her favourite spot directly under her chin. Listening as Esme’s feet -clad in thick, mismatched woollen socks move over the weathered and creaking floorboards. Hearing intermittent soft clicking and the sliding of wood against wood as she inspects dresser and nightstand drawers. And when it finally falls silent, he calls out to her. “Anything interesting?”

“Whoever lived here before us were total freaks! I just found a whole load of gigantic dildos in the bedside table! And one of those harnesses a woman wears. You know, when she does her man up the…”

“Esme…”

“I don’t see any lube though. I guess we’re not trying pegging tonight.”

“Don’t even THINK about it.”

“What would you say if I came to bed and had a butt plug in with a raccoon’s tail hanging off it?”

“I’d call you a freak and kick you out onto the couch.”

She gives a disgruntled, dramatic huff, then appears in the doorway. “You’re boring.”

“You certainly weren’t saying that two nights ago when we almost got caught by the night nurse. While you were giving me…”

“Like, no pegging with giant dildos and no raccoon tail butt plugs? I swear, a girl can’t have ANY fun.”

“If that’s your idea of fun, you’ve got the wrong guy.”

“Don’t worry, big boy.” She shoots him a wink as she pads through the small, open-concept living room and kitchen. “There’s nothing to be scared of. I’ll be gentle with you.”

“You even come near me with one of those things…”

“I was joking. I didn’t find a damn thing. Which is incredibly disappointing. I was hoping some eccentric weirdo lived here before and left some wild shit behind.”

“Have you looked around this place? The panelling? Fucking knick-knacks all over the place? A goddamn deer head on the wall? Does any of that scream eccentric weirdo do you?”

“It could have been to throw off visitors. Convince innocent, unsuspecting people that they were completely normal. You know, so they could drug their coffee and tea in order to knock them out and hide them in their sex dungeon!”

“I think it’s safe to say that no one normal lives here NOW. Well, one of us might be considered somewhat sane.”

“Don’t worry. Your secret's safe with me. I won’t tell anyone you’re a psycho.”

She opens the door to the main bathroom and pokes her head inside. Fingernails tapping against the wall as she makes approving noises and comments about the brand new shower, tub, sink, and toilet. Then proceeds to curse and grumble about having to DEFINITELY change the flooring and the colour of the walls.

“I think we both know I’m the only somewhat normal one around here.”

“You keep telling yourself that.” She moves to the master bedroom, mere seconds passing before she gives a loud gasp. “Oh my god….TYLER!”

“Let me guess, you found the sex dungeon.”

“Even better!” She appears in the doorway, eyes sparkling and dancing as she gives an excited squeal and bounces up and down on her heels. “It’s bigger than I expected!”

“Didn’t you say those exact words in Dhaka? The first time I dropped my pants?”

“I was pleasantly surprised. That you exceeded even MY lofty expectations.”

“What did you find? I swear if it’s anything remotely related to me taking something up the ass…”

“Nothing like that! You need to see it! It’s enormous!”

“You don’t have another guy stashed in there, do you?”

“I can barely handle the one I already have. Why would I want the extra stress? Seriously, come and see this.”

“I know what a bedroom looks like.”

“It’s not just the room that’s bigger and better than I thought it would be! It’s the bed! It takes up so much space, and there’s still lots of room to spare. Please just come and take a look? Because I asked so nicely? Pretty please? I know how much you love to make me happy.”

“For someone so tiny, you’re an enormous pain in my ass,” he grumbles, yet shoots her a wink. A hand on the table top as he slowly pushes himself up onto his feet; fighting back a wince as even the most careful of movements bring almost unbearable agony. Too much time spent on his ass during the flight and the long drive from Vienna to the cabin; his knee feeling tight and swollen and in desperate need of relief.

“As soon as we eat, you put your leg up,” Esme informs him, as he joins her in the doorway. “It’s not good to go this long without elevating it. And you WILL take your meds.”

“While I’d normally argue with you and tell you I’m fine…”

“That’s how I know it’s bad. You’re NOT giving me a hard time.”

“I’ll be okay. Just he assures her, and places a hand on the back of her neck, his lips meeting her temple as his fingers massage the stiff, tight muscles. “Just need to rest it.”

For months she’s held onto an enormous amount of stress and tension; those long, trying days and nights spent at his bedside, fighting back against the doctors who had already declared him a lost cause and wanted to just pull the plug. But she’d held on there despite the pressure dumped upon her, digging her heels in even further and refusing to break to their demands. They weren’t using him as a sacrifice to the healthcare system Gods; they’d have to find another way to ‘free up a bed’.

“She’s going to break sooner or later,” Nik had warned him just days before his release. “She’s been shouldering all of this for three quarters of a year. I’ve been around some very tough people, but none as tough as THAT. She can’t keep it up, Tyler. She just can’t. We all break at one point or another. And when her time comes, you’re going to have to be there for her. Because she’ll need you. So you better be sure that you’ll step up.”

One of her tiny hands falls on the small of his back as he sticks his head into the master. “What do you think? It’s huge, right?”

“Definitely bigger than I expected. The room AND the bed.”

She playfully smacks his ass, grinning up at him as she tightly squeezes a cheek through the fabric of his pants. “You know how much I love a large playground.”

“Speaking of playtime, when do I get my surprise?”

“Patience is a virtue, old fella.”

“For who?”

“The virtuous, I guess. Besides, I thought you were hungry. And tired. And sore.”

“I am. I’m all three of those. But…” He hastily removes the sling from his left arm, tearing open the velcro fasteners and tossing the object onto the dresser. Not giving her a chance to respond, he grabs hold of her hips and uses his much larger, heavier frame to propel her backwards into the room.

“We’re really going to give it a go, are we? Right this second?”

“No time like the present. I’ve been wanting to give it a go since we left the hospital. Even BEFORE that. I was going to say something on the plane; about joining the mile-high club, but…”

“Been there, done that.”

He frowns, pausing as he leans in to kiss her, their lips a hair’s width apart.

“You’re not the only one with a past, Tyler Rake.”

“Did he teach you anything good?”

“He taught me a few things.” Her hands slide up the front of his henley shirt, chestnut eyes locked on brilliant blue as she softly drags the nails of her index across his stomach. Beginning their lazy journey at his belt buckle and finally finishing at each of his hips. “Who do you think is responsible for this mouth being so talented?”

“As much as I hate even thinking about you with other guys, I want his name and address. So I can send him a thank you card. And a case of beer. You know, just a small token of gratitude.”

“And seeing as he didn’t give a shit about what I needed to feel good, I figured I’d let you teach me the rest.”

“I’m honoured.”

“You should be. I’ve already let you go where no man has ever dared to go before.”

“Only because you asked me if I would. Can’t believe it only took two days.”

“What can I say…” She catches him off guard by pushing him backwards, pinning him between her body and the dresser as she aggressively yanks open his belt. “...you have that effect on me.”

“I realize I’m still hurting, and I got a long way to go, but don’t think for a second you get to be the boss. It doesn’t work that way.”

“Who are you kidding?” She pops open the button on his pants. “I’m always the boss.”

Smirking, he snatches her by the throat, fingers lightly pressing into the soft, delicate flesh as he pushes her towards the bed. And she gives a gasp of surprise when the back of her knees hit the edge of the mattress, giggling when she loses her balance and topples backwards.

She pushes herself up onto her elbows. a slow grin spreading from ear to ear as she watches him quickly dispose of both knee brace and pants and hastily toss them into the nearest corner. “No underwear, huh? You WERE hopeful.”

“Easy access. For both of us.”

“Even in this weather. I’m surprised your balls didn’t freeze off. That would have been a goddamn Greek tragedy.”

“They’re still a little. If you can warm them up. It’ll keep you quiet for a while.”

“Kinky.” She laughs when he grabs hold of the bottom of her jeans; falling backward when he aggressively pulls her towards him. “You ARE eager.”

“Things are working. You said yourself, it’s been hit or miss. Well, right now it's a hit, so…” He yanks both the denim and her skimpy lace underwear over her hips and ass and down her legs. “...let’s not waste time. Just in case.”

“Aren’t you even going to wait? For me to get your surprise on?”

“Nope.” He shoves her thighs open. “Right now, I don’t care. We’ll do that later.”

“Two times in one day? Someone is feeling awful cocky.”

“It’s my cock that’s feeling something. Don’t worry, you’ll be feeling it soon too.”

She opens her mouth to respond but quickly bites down on the bottom lip as he makes his way up her body; a mixture of calloused palms, the roughness of his beard, and the press of warm, soft lips. Thick fingers -with their various scars and misshapen knuckles- digging into the back of her thighs as he licks, sucks, and nibbles his way along the insides of her legs. And though disappointed when he ignores the most desperate and aching of parts, she still manages a giggle when he pulls her surgical steel navel ring into his mouth and lightly yanks at it with his teeth.

No one has ever worshipped her the way he does. The attention and focus he displays while paying homage to her body; the fire in her very bones and nerves growing in intensity with every swipe of his tongue and suckle of his lips and every caress and group of her hands. Selfless and never selfish, even when his own wants and needs are profound and overwhelming. Forever paying keen attention to the way she responds to him. Learning through every sigh and moan, every flinch and shiver, the differences in tone and pitch when she says his name. And somehow always knowing exactly what she needs.

By the time he reaches her lips, she’s desperate for so much more, nails raking across his shoulders and down his back, hips continuously rising to meet his in an unspoken request. When he finally kisses her, she moans into his mouth, and her hands find his hair; her fingers immediately tunnelling through the longer strands as she responds eagerly and hungrily. But when he pulls away to look down at her, there’s a tenderness in his eyes that she isn’t prepared for. An affection and adoration that softens his features and enables her to truly ‘see’ him for the first time. And suddenly, he seems far removed from the hardened and highly skilled mercenary that she had initially fallen in love with. Instead replaced by a previously broken and haunted man who’s in the midst of the most important transformation of his entire life.

The healing of both body AND mind.

“I love you.”

It brings tears to her eyes. The sincerity in those three simple, yet powerful words.

“More than you’ll ever know.”

The sob escapes her before she has the chance to bite it back, and she quickly finds herself gathered into strong arms and a broad chest. His body is warm and hard against hers, and his hands are steady yet comforting as they lovingly stroke her hair and repeatedly caress her back.

It’s all so foreign and overwhelming. Completely unlike anything she’s ever known or experienced. He’s reliable. Protective. Making her feel safe and secure in ways no one else ever has.

And in that moment, she’s sure of one thing. She’s never been loved like this, either.

*****

He feels sleepy and content as he lounges on the couch; his bad leg -once more sporting the knee brace- stretched out, foot resting on the coffee table. Both body and mind sated by a successful -if not disappointingly short- love making session that ended up more slow and tender than he’d originally anticipated. It had been followed by a hot shower and a surprisingly good meal that Esme had been incredibly proud of; a simple pasta and meat sauce dish paired with salad and garlic toast. Now he alternates between watching football and listening to his girlfriend as she busies herself in the kitchen. Lucy refusing to leave her side; more than pleased with the morsels of food she’d been slipped under the table. And with the seemingly endless amount of ear rubs and hair ruffles and chin scratches that are passed her way.

It’s the most relaxed he’s been in years. The warmth of the fire as snow trickles down outside, the rattling of dishes and silverware, and the way Esme alternates between humming as she works and talking to Lucy in a quiet, motherly way. The fear is starting to fade; the realization setting in that not only this is his life now, but he’s good with it. Not entirely accepting of the fact he’s retired; remaining somewhat concerned about where he goes -professional speaking- from here. But he feels safe and secure in the knowledge that knowing that Esme is under the same roof. Wanting and needing him. Loving him.

“I don’t have anything else, my love,” Esme addresses the dog sprawled out at her feet. “At least none of what you really want. Do you want a cookie? Auntie Nik got them just for you. I bet they’re delicious. Let’s get you a cookie.”

Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees her move across the room, her hair still loose and flowing and nearly reaching the middle of her back. Her tiny frame clad in a pair of simple black leggings and one of the plaid shirts she’d poached from his side of the closet. And he finds himself amused by the way she has to stand on her tiptoes to get the container of dog biscuits off the second shelf in the cupboard.

“Tyler…”

“Yeah?”

“This d…o…g won’t stop eating.”

“Why did you spell that out?”

“Because I don’t want her to know I’m talking about her. It might give her a complex.”

“Your logic is…astounding.”

“Even animals have feelings. I mean, you’re the biggest one of all, and you’ve been all up in your feels lately.”

“Esme?”

She glances towards him.

Without looking away from the television, he holds up his right hand and flips her the middle finger.

“Well, that’s just rude, isn’t it Lucy? Just plain rude.”

“She’s a traitor. That’s your dog now. She’s made that perfectly clear. Hasn’t left your side since before dinner.”

“Well, if we want to get technical, she’s OUR dog now. But I’m sure she still loves you best. Daddy’s still your favourite, isn’t he? You could never love anyone the way you love him. I’ll let you in on a little secret; I feel the exact same way about him.”

He smiles. “You BOTH have horrible taste in men.”

“Excuse you? I’ll have you know that my taste in me is impeccable. Well, at least NOW it is. I didn’t have to kiss too many frogs before I got to my prince, but the ones I DID have to kiss? Ewwww.” Giving Lucy a final pet, she fills the kettle and plugs in it, completing her tidying of the kitchen and then making a coffee for him, a tea for herself. Starting her journey into the living room, she pauses by the front door; spotting the small cardboard box he’d set down earlier. “What’s this?”

He casts a glance in her direction. “Just some stuff from my old place. That Nik and Yaz packed up.”

“That’s all they brought?”

“That and some clothes.”

“Where’s the rest?”

“What rest? You saw my old place. What more was there for them to bring?”

“What’s in it?”

“Just some personal shit. From back in the day. Nothing you need to worry yourself with.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. It’s really none of my business. I shouldn’t have even asked. It’s really none of my business.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Fuck. He really needs to pay more attention to the tone of his voice when speaking to her. He’s always been straight to the point; never dragging things out or sugar coating them. While it had suited him well in both military and mercenary life and had, it had unfortunately been one of the many issues that eventually sunk his marriage. Esme deserves better; she’s sensitive and feels and loves so deeply and profoundly. And, like her need to give and want affection, it’s yet another thing he needs to get used to. “I just meant that it’s nothing serious. I’d tell you if it was.”

She doesn’t pursue it. Either not as hurt at his reaction as he had thought she would be, or just deciding to pick her battles. But she greets him with a smile when she joins him, setting their mugs down on the coffee table and then accepting the hand he offers her and dropping down beside her.

Releasing her hand, he wraps his arm around her, he pulls her tightly against him, his hand resting on her hip as he presses a kiss to her temple. She smells so damn good; that mixture of coconut, honey, and milk that he’d first discovered in Dhaka and had been so enthralled. It’s simple and unassuming; a cheap shampoo that she’d found in a corner store in Prague just hours before Nik had brought her to Australia. And she’d been so taken aback by his genuine compliments about the scent, that she’d decided never to use anything else.

“I’m sorry.”

She reaches for the coffee and hands it to them, then picks up her tea. “For what?”

“I honestly didn’t mean it the way it sounded. When you asked about the box. It’s not it’s not your business. It’s just…” Shrugging, he sips at his drink. “...nothing you’d be interested in. Or at least, I don’t think you’d be.”

“I’m interested in YOU. In your life. Especially the one that came before me. I know it wasn’t a utopia by any stretch of the imagination, and you’ve been through some shit, but if you ever WANT to share, I’m good with it.”

“Same goes for you, yeah? If you ever just want to tell me about things? I don’t want you holding back because you think it’s going to piss me off. Even if hearing about your ex and the shit he did might make me feel homicidal.”

“And he’d deserve it. If you got a hold of him and broke every bone in his body.”

“I wouldn’t just stop there. I wouldn’t be able to. And a lot of places to stash him afterwards. Where no one would ever find him.”

“As much as I appreciate and love you for wanting to avenge me, I also don’t want to bring him into this. Into our life together. I don’t want him tarnishing things. Ruining them.”

“He could never do that.”

“Just some things really are better left in the past. Some of the things he did…” She chews on her bottom lip, choosing her words carefully. “...I just can’t talk about those. And that’s not a personal slight against you. It’s not because I feel like I CAN’T you. It has nothing to do with you.”

“I know. But if you ever DO want to talk about things…”

“Believe, you’d be the first person…the ONLY person…I’d ever go to. I trust Nik and Yaz, but not in the same way I trust you. Does that make sense?”

“It does. I feel the same way about you.”

“You’re my person, Tyler. You’re the one I want to tell things to. Good AND bad. You’re the one I want to share things with. Whether it’s horror stories about my ex or stupid jokes that I’ve gathered up over the years, or things I hear or see when I’m out. I don’t feel that comfortable with anyone else. Not like I do with you.”

“Do you think maybe it has something to do with the fact I’m the one you get naked and do filthy fucking things with?”

“That could play a role,” she laughs, and presses a lingering kiss to his cheek.

They settle into a comfortable, companionable silence, Lucy joining them and lying on the floor in front of the couch; watching the football game as they nurse their drinks, enjoying the warmth from the fire. He realizes that they’re in the midst of the ‘honeymoon phase’; everything seems to flow and co-exist so easily. Able to shut themselves away from the outside world; refusing to allow intrusive thoughts to penetrate the bubble they’ve built around themselves. They’re happy and comfortable; immersed in the ‘getting to know you stage’ outside of the intimate moments. Learning about each other’s likes and dislikes, their respective quirks and habits. It won’t always be this way. The charm will wear off; they’ll become easily annoyed and agitated as they both attempt to get used to sharing not only their space but their life, with another person.

When their mugs are empty, she places them on the coffee table and then stretches out on the couch. On her side with both arms wrapped around his thigh and her head in his lap.

“Is your team playing?”

His hand settles on her hip. “Yeah. The Western Bulldogs. They’re the ones with the red and blue shirts.”

“Are they winning?”

“By a pretty big margin, actually.”

“This doesn’t look like regular football. It’s nothing like the NFL. These guys are out there just killing each other. And as much as enjoy senseless violence from time to time…”

“This is Australian rules. Nothing like what you’re used to. This is the real deal. Not that wimpy crap they play where you’re from.”

“If we’re able to get sports from Australia, we might be able to get some hockey games. That would be nice. We could watch them together.”

“I don’t like hockey.”

“Have you ever seen a hockey game?”

“Once. That was enough.”

“Tell you what…” She rolls over onto her back “...if you’ll watch some hockey games and learn a bit about it, I’ll do the same with you and your football. Deal?”

“I suppose I could agree to that.”

“You’re going to have to teach me the rules, though. I know nothing about football. ANY kind of football.”

“Shouldn’t be hard. You’ve already proven to be a pretty fast learner in other areas. I’m impressed with you.”

“Well, you happen to be an excellent teacher. Although I do have one complaint.”

Tyler frowns.

“Things worked so well, I am aching. I don’t think I’m going to be able to walk properly for a couple of days.”

“Just a couple? I’m insulted.”

“Next time, the number will be higher, I promise.”

“I may have been a little….hasty…when it came to going from start to finish.”

“It lasted longer than I thought it would, to be honest.”

“Excuse you?”

“I didn’t mean that as a cheap shot. And I’m already very familiar with your skills and your staying power. But think of everything you just went through; you were clinically dead nine months ago, AND you just spent three quarters of a year in the hospital. I know we’ve gotten up to other things, but we haven’t actually done THAT. Given the circumstances, you not lasting that long is to be expected.”

“I don’t know if any of your little speech made me feel any better. It’s embarrassing. I’m thirty-five years old and…”

“You’re thirty-six now. You had a birthday in the midst of everything.”

“That’s it, just go and make things worse. Add another year onto my life.”

“Listen…” Reaching up, she takes hold of his chin. “...there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Do you realize how close you were? To being six feet under? You shouldn’t even be here. A weaker man? They would have given up. They wouldn’t have fought their way back. And if one of the setbacks to surviving all that is to not last as long as you usually do, I’d say that’s pretty damn good.”

“I’ve lasted longer than since I was fifteen years old.”

“And you’ll go back lasting longer again. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Did I have a problem with it?”

“Not that I could tell. Or that you’re admitting.”

“I have absolutely zero complaints. Except for the whole not being able to walk or sit properly thing. You need to realize that things aren’t going to be like they were. Not for a while, anyway. You’ve come a long way and there’s an even longer way to go. Can’t you just be proud of yourself? For even getting out of that hospital?”

“I only did it for you. You’re the only reason I fought my way back. Why I busted my ass to get back on my feet. If you hadn’t been around…”

“But I WAS. I was there because I wanted to be. Because I knew you had a lot of fight left in you. And I know you’re tired and frustrated, and you think you should be further ahead, but you’re doing way better than anyone ever expected.”

“You expected it. You didn’t give up.”

“I know how strong you are. And I know you in ways all those other people don’t. Even Nik. I wasn’t abandoning you, Tyler. And I would have fought to the bitter end. Until there was some proof you weren’t going to come out of it. So THIS? This whole not lasting as long as normal? It’s actually a huge accomplishment, considering. Think of it that way.”

“Why are you like this?”

“Like what?”

“How do you always find the silver lining in everything? The glass is always half full to you. How…?”

“Because I know what I’ve survived. Not even my worst days come close to what Mark put me through. So guess I’ve just tried to turn my suffering into something positive. I’ve learned to look at the world in a different way.”

“Personally, I think you’re just some kind of freak.”

Scowling, she flicks the tip of his nose with her thumb and forefinger.

“I love you, though. As weird as you are.”

“Admit it, my weirdness was one of the things you found adorable and appealing.”

“No, actually. It wasn’t. I’ve just learned to accept it and live with it.”

“Well, for what it’s worth? I love YOU. You enormously stubborn pain in my ass.”

“I don’t know what I ever did to deserve it, but…”

“Did I say it was up for debate? Did I say you could question things? No. So just…” She places a hand over his mouth. “...shhhh. Stop asking why and stop doubting what you’re worthy of, and just go with it. Can you do that? Just accept it and go with it?”

“I can try.”

“You better,” she warns and then turns her face towards him, her nose pressing into his stomach and her eyes closing. The events of the morning and afternoon quickly catching up to her: the relief that came with finally leaving the hospital, the long flight that had followed, and the drive to the cabin that represented the last leg of their trip to freedom. And then the sex; that effortless transition from hungry, desperate, and impatient to something much more tender and attentive.

Now she’s finally able to relish in the aftermath. Enjoying the hardness of his body and that warmth that radiates from it, his familiar smell and the beat of his heart deep within. Issuing a long, content sigh when one of those enormous, calloused hands is placed upon her cheek; his fingertips softly stroking her forehead while his thumb makes continuous sweeps across her cheek. And just as she begins to feel herself teetering on the edge of sleep, she feels him move against her; the slight shift of his body and the couch cushions as he reaches for the throw on the back of the couch and proceeds to drape it over her. What follows is such a simple, sweet display of care and adoration. A smile playing on her lips as this man -so big and so strong and capable of inflicting so much harm- ever so tenderly tucks and secures the fabric under and around her.

From that moment, she loses all track of time. The stroking of her cheek eventually ceases; his arm becomes limp, and his hand comes to rest upon her hip as sleep finally claims him. His soft snoring and deep rhythmic breathing joining the rattling of the windows as the wind and the snow continue to rage beyond the cabin’s four walls.

*****

When she wakes, it’s to the crackle of the fire and Lucy’s loud snoring, the cattle dog somehow managing to find enough space on the sofa. Rolling onto her back, she gives a loud yawn and a long, languorous stretch. Rapidly blinking her eyes when she’s greeted by the unexpected glow of the couch side lamp.

She watches Tyler in silence. Still in the same spot as when she’d fallen asleep, his eyes narrowed, and his brow furrowed as he devotes his focus and attention to a game on his cell phone. And it isn’t until she lightly tickles his stomach that he acknowledges her, greeting her with a soft smile as he uses gentle fingertips to clear strands away off her forehead and out of her eyes.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Sleep alright?”

Esme nods. “Guess I was just way too warm and cozy. Did you?”

“It was an okay nap. I kinda freaked out a bit, though. When I woke up. I didn’t even remember coming here. I thought I was still in the hospital. So when I didn’t recognize anything…”

“You spent three-quarters of a year there. I’d be surprised if you didn’t have moments like that. Eventually, they’ll go away. Once you get used to being here.”

“Once I realized that you, were YOU, I was alright. I knew I was in a safe place. That everything was going to be okay.”

It’s so sincere and genuine….so unexpected… that it causes a lump of emotion to sit square in her throat. She’s never known anyone quite like him, the strong, silent type that usually doesn’t have much to say, but makes an enormous impact when he does speak. He hides nothing from her. Open and transparent from the beginning of those five days in Dhaka, not just with words, but with facial expressions and body language. Both of them -despite their painful pasts and respective, albeit different, losses- somehow finding a level of trust in one another that neither had experienced before.

“Are you alright?”

Nodding, he tosses his phone onto the coffee table. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re feeling okay? You’ve had enough to eat? You don’t have too much pain? You…”

“Are you really going to do this as soon as you get up? Start worrying?”

“I can’t help it. I’m a worrier. It’s who I am. You should be used to it by now.”

“There’s nothing for you to worry about. I’m fine. I’d tell you if I wasn’t.”

Her eyes narrow. “Would you?”

“I’ve already promised I would. About a million times already. I’m fine, Esme. I mean, other than the fact my left leg and my ass are completely asleep.”

“You could have gotten up, you know.” She attempts to sit up, laughing when a broad, strong forearm prevents her. “You didn’t have to stay here. You could have moved me.”

“I didn’t have the heart to do it. You looked way too cute, lying there like that. You snore, by the way.”

“I most certainly do not.”

“You do. You snore AND talk in your sleep.”

“Did I say anything interesting?”

“You didn’t incriminate yourself in any crimes if that’s what you mean. You did make a grocery list, though. Toilet paper, milk, ketchup, and cat litter.”

“Bullshit. You’re making that up.”

“I’m telling the truth. Scouts honour.”

“You were NEVER a scout. Who are you kidding?”

“But you did make a grocery list. And those are the things you mentioned. I have no idea where the cat litter comes into play, but…”

“Maybe that was a hint. That we should get a cat.”

“I don’t like cats.”

“How can you not like cats? They’re cute, and they’re furry, and they purr and make biscuits on you. How can you not be into that sort of thing?”

“They smell funny.”

“This coming from a guy that lets chickens freely roam the house. And sleep in the bed!”

“We are NOT getting a cat.”

“Just one?”

“No.”

“Please? You won’t even know it’s here. I’ll do all the feeding and the cleaning up and…”

“I don’t want a cat. I’m not a cat guy. Do I look like one to you?”

“Please, you like pussy more than anyone I know.”

“Not that kind, I don’t.”

“I’ll break you. I’ll wear you down. I will get my cat.”

“Over my dead body.”

“That can be arranged.”

“You’d never go through with. You’d miss me too much.”

“Like a hemorrhoid.” She squeals when he slides a hand between her and the couch and aggressively pinches her ass, then playfully shoves him away and sits up; hands smoothing over her hair and fixing her ponytail. “I have some bad news, by the way.”

“Color me surprised.”

“We have to leave the house sooner than I thought. We need to go into town. Grab a few things.”

“Ketchup, ass tissue, and cat litter?”

“Ice cream. And chocolate. My period is coming soon.”

“I didn’t need to know that.”

“I mean, you wouldn’t wonder why I’m suddenly bitchy and bleeding out of my vagina?”

“You’re always bitchy. And you like things rough. Anything can go wrong when you’re…”

“And firewood. We need firewood. Track down some of the pre-cut, bagged stuff. There’s not enough on the porch to even last even a couple of days. It’s how we heat this place, so…”

“Have you taken a look outside? We are surrounded by trees. Which is where firewood comes from. And I already saw an axe out on the front porch.”

“You have one good arm.”

“Which is more than enough to chop firewood. I mean, it’ll take a lot longer than if I had TWO good arms, but…”

“And you have one good leg. You’re going to hurt yourself. Chop your foot off or something. I could always do it. I know how to use an axe.”

“You can lift an axe?”

“Well, maybe not a normal-size one. But a little one.”

“You mean a hatchet?”

“It’s technically a little axe, right? I mean, it’ll take me a couple of days to make any sort of headway, but…”

“And you worry about me hurting myself? I’m just supposed to be okay with you wielding a hatchet? I mean, if you want to do it that badly, you can just come out and help me. Make sure I don’t fuck things up.”

“Oh, right. And then when I annoy you, you’ll chop me into a million pieces and throw me in the woods!”

“I would never chop you up and throw you in the woods.”

“Aww, you big softy. You wouldn’t know what to do with yourself; if I wasn’t around anymore. You’d…”

“I’d chop you up and feed you to the dog.”

At the end of the couch, Lucy briefly raises her head, tilting it from side to side before issuing a heavy sigh and returning to her original position.

“You’re an asshole,” Esme grumbles, laughing when she tries to stand but quickly finds two powerful arms wrapping around her waist and yanking her back down.

“I'll tell you what, because I don’t want you worrying so much, we will go into town and find bagged firewood.”

“Thank you.”

“We’ll get enough to last at least a couple of weeks. But once it runs out, you gotta give me a chance, yeah? To try and do things? Because I’m going to go completely fucking nuts doing nothing but sitting on my ass all day.”

“There’s lots of things for you to do. You can go on walks, you can ice fish, you can learn to knit, like Yaz said.”

“Just let me try. That’s all I’m asking. I’m not going to get any better by not testing the limits. You need to trust me.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s just that I worry about you. I’ve spent nine months taking care of you. In some way or another. And it makes me really nervous; when I think about all the things that could go wrong.”

“Don’t think about those things, then,”

“Believe me, it’s easier said than done. But I WILL try. To not worry so much.”

“Thank you.”

Slipping out of his embrace, she climbs into his lap, wrapping both arms around his neck and placing her head on his shoulder. And her eyes close as she enjoys both his scent and touch, large hands slipping up the back of her shirt, calloused fingertips repeatedly travelling up and down her spine.

“By the way…” His voice rumbles deep within his chest. “...I’d never do anything horrible to you. Not even remotely.”

Smiling, she presses a kiss to the sensitive spot just below his left ear. “I know.”

“Also, I’m ready for my surprise.”

“Jesus…”

“Listen, you said the ‘p word’. That was the trigger.”

Laughing, she pulls back to look at him, fingertips tracing the scar that curves over the bridge of her nose. “You’re like a horny fifteen-year-old stuck in a grown man’s body.”

“I’ve got a lot to make up for. Nine months. That’s…”

“A long ass time.”

“I don’t know old timer,” she teases, and playfully ruffles his hair. “Think you can keep up with a youngin’ like me.”

“I don’t know.” One hand slips between them to gently cup her breast, and he feels her shiver against him when his thumb brushes over her nipple. “But I can’t try.”